Man Talk
by Elin1
Summary: kind of pointless, I guess - Mostly just some venting of opinions, really. Starring Judeau and Corkus, PG-13 for language. (Ill write the yaoi some other day ;) ) ONE-SHOT, complete.


We need more Judeau fanfics. Um. All right, I need them. C'mon, give a rabid fangirl a hand, here… Or else I'll keep writing pointless things like this one.

…Ok, I might keep writing them anyway. Nobody's perfect. :)

This takes place at the end of episode 14, when Judeau has given Caska the fairy-dust. There might be some OOC-ness in this one, I'm not sure… PG-13 for Corkus' potty mouth.

Disclaimer: I don't own Judeau, Corkus, Caska, Griffith, Gatts or anyone else from the Band of the Hawk – they all belong to the creator of 'Berserk', Mr Kentaro Miura, who kicks so many different kinds of ass that it's not even funny anymore.

-*--*-

Man talk.

Corkus took another swig from the wineskin before delivering his punchline:

 "…And she said: '_that_ doesn't go _there_!'"

He basked in the roar of rowdy laughter from the guys around the campfire before he raised his voice again, eager not to lose their attention: "And if you liked that one, you're gonna love this: There was this priest who came in to a brothel…"

 "Everybody!" someone suddenly shouted, "Griffith's back!" this caused a wave of turning heads and surprised exclamations, and Corkus angrily sputtered at being interrupted in the middle of being the centre of attention.

 "Griffith's back?"

 "…Hey, guys! This priest…!"

 "He's back already?"

 "So soon?"

 "Hey!" Corkus yelled in disappointment when everyone got up and started running off in the direction the interrupter had pointed, "I didn't get to tell you my story!"

 "Sorry, Corkus," one of them called back, "Finish it later, we've got to go and meet Griffith! Come on!"

 "Ahhh, and it was a really good one, too…" he grumbled to himself and got up, not in a particular hurry. As he was about to leave, he noticed one man who was moving in the opposite direction from all the others, walking slowly with his hands in his pockets.

Corkus easily recognised that figure and waited for it to come by the campfire.

 "Hey, Judeau," he greeted the absent-minded looking scout, "Aren't you going to see Griffith?"

The blond man looked up, startled at first, and then gave him a tired smile.

 "Naw, you go ahead… I think I'm just going to go to bed."

 "Uh… huh…" Corkus frowned. The kid was smiling, but he wasn't _smiling_; there was no heart in it. "Riiight… You've got that look on you again." 

Judeau confusedly frowned back at him and Corkus rolled his eyes with a sigh.

 "It's that 'poor, poor me' look, and I'm getting tired of seeing it! What is it this time, Caska told you she's joining a convent?"

The scout paled noticeably. "Wha… wha… You… you know…?"

 "Of course I know! Everyone knows you're head over heels for her! You always get that look on your face when she's staring at Griffith or talking about him or whatever."

 "I-is it that obvious…?"

 "Yeah, to someone who doesn't fucking care it's pretty damn obvious. She's as blind as a bat, though, so don't worry that she'll ever notice."

Judeau looked like he was going to sigh in relief, but only for a short moment; Corkus crossed his arms over his chest and gave the scout a serious glare. "…Unless you tell her yourself, you chicken."

 "What?" The blond man exclaimed, "Are you nuts, Corkus? I can't tell her!"

 "And why the hell not? You've been pining for her for years, now! When are you going to do something about it?"

 "Oh, come _on_! She'd never go for a guy like me! Next to Griffith and Gatts, I'm not even close to being in the competition!"

 "Hey, wait a sec…" Corkus leaned forward a little, confused. "…Did you say 'Gatts'?"

Judeau hesitated but then nodded. "Yeah. Gatts. She's in love with him, too."

 "Now you're shitting me," Corkus replied with an incredulous stare, "Gatts? With the way they're always arguing? What, was that what she told you?"

 "No, no, she didn't tell me…" The scout sat down by the fire with a tired sigh. "Like you said; to an outsider, it's pretty damn obvious. He's in love with her, as well."

 "So… what?" Corkus sat down next to Judeau, still incredulous, "They're a couple now, or what?"

 "No… they… I don't think they know quite how they feel yet, actually."

Corkus raised an eyebrow. "Uh… huh… and I think you're just seeing things, Judeau. Seriously!" he threw his head back and laughed, "Gatts and Caska? Whahahahaa! Yeah, right! When fish fly!"

 "Mm," Judeau quietly replied. "You don't have to believe me; it's still the truth."

The scout sounded so certain that Corkus' laughter faltered and died. He stared at his quiet, unsmiling comrade for a while, before frowning again.

 "Ahhh, so what, then? I mean, if that's true, then that just shows that she can have eyes for someone else than Griffith, and that's good, right?" He inclined his head to get a better look at Judeau's face. "I mean, that means you have a chance, doesn't it?"

 "No, it doesn't," Judeau replied and met his eyes with an angry look. "It just means that she's interested in grade 'A' guys! Think about it! Next to Gatts and Griffith, I am nothing! Nobody! They're stronger, better, more charismatic… name one thing that I have, compared to Griffith."

 "Uh… availability?"

The scout nodded bitterly. "Oh yeah… just the way I want to be loved; as the 'available' one. 'Well, I couldn't have the man I really wanted, so I guess I'll settle for you, Judeau…'" He shook his head. "I don't think so. And Gatts… If he should choose to pursue her, then I wouldn't stand a chance."

Corkus was still having some problems fitting his brain around the concept that Gatts and Caska might feel something slightly warmer than a snowflake in a blizzard for each other.

 "Why not? I mean… you know… he's, like… Gatts! Mr zero-people-skills, swing-my-sword-around, Gatts!"

 "Yeah, well… she loves him… and I don't think she even knows that I am a man. Besides…" The bitterness faded from Judeau's voice and a soft, sad smile found its way to his lips. "…If she could get him… she would finally be really happy, and… and that would be worth it…"

 "You're _not_ serious!" Corkus exclaimed angrily, "You're going to let another guy get the girl you want, just 'cause you think that _maybe_ she'll be happier with him? Man, I can't believe this!"

 "What can't you believe, Corkus? That she would be happier with a man she's actually in love with? That it would make _me_ happy to see _her_ happy? That I can accept that I'm not the best choice for her?" Judeau gently shook his head and gazed off into the flickering flames of the campfire, still with that soft smile on his face.

 "It's the story of my life, I've always been second-place… or, rather, even further back. I'm used to it. I'll never be the guy on the pedestal, I'm not that special… but I _can_ be the guy who helps him up there… And, you know… this 'friendship' deal isn't so bad, actually. I can live with it. After all, I get to see her every day, talk to her and laugh with her… touch her every now and then… offer my help and have her smile at me…"

 "Uggghhh…" Corkus grimaced. "You're making me nauseous, here. Swooning like some damn country-girl…" 

Judeau turned to him with a broadening smile and actually gave a short laugh. "I'm sorry, Corkus. What I meant to say was that I like things the way they are, even if they're not what I dream for. Not all of us get our dreams, after all. Everyone can't be like Griffith."

 "Nobody can be like Griffith…" Corkus mumbled grumpily, "But I still think you're being a chickenshit. If you're so goddamn head over heels, then you should just tell her and get it out into the open. I'm tired of seeing you with that damn martyr face all the time, it's annoying."

This time, Judeau chuckled. "Martyr? Yeah, well… I'm not willing to risk our friendship. If she got weird and started avoiding me… I'd hate that. Really, really hate it." He leaned back with his arms behind his head, turning a wide, genuine grin at Corkus. "And I know this very well; it is a choice I have made – but that won't stop me from wallowing in self-pity sometimes. I'm just a man, after all, and a man's got a right to do that, as long as it'll help him keep cheerful the rest of the time."

Corkus looked at the other man and his happy grin for a while, until he couldn't keep himself serious anymore. Damn that kid for having an infectious smile.

 "Keh!" he snorted, grinning. "You're still the biggest wuss I've ever met." He shook his head and leaned back, himself. "I can't understand what you see in that bi-uh… woman anyway. You should find yourself a girl as meek and soft as you, and not go after that cold, hard, violent, bitchy…"

 "…Beautiful, strong, confident, loyal…"

The two men locked defiant gazes for a moment, but then Corkus rolled his eyes and shrugged indifferently.

 "Keh. What do I care? It's your funeral."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the red flames eat away at the logs. In the distance, they could hear the happy cheering that followed Griffith's presence, and after a while Corkus spoke again.

 "So… why were you so down tonight?"

 "Hm? Oh… I gave her my fairy-dust and we talked a little. I only had to mention that Griffith called them the finest commanders of the Band of the-"

 "Hold it, you gave her your what?"

 "My fairy-dust… my special medicine, you know. I figure she can get Gatts back up on his feet in time for the next battle with it."

 "You gave her that special medicine? Are you out of your-"

 "For Gatts. We need him, and even if you don't want to admit it, you know that too."

Corkus just snorted angrily and sent a glare at the blond scout that was answered by a mockingly sweet smile.

 "Keh! Keh, keh, keh!" He crossed his arms over his chest again, sliding his back down against the crate he was using as a backrest until his chin rested against his chest, where he proceeded to growl and grumble quietly:

 "…Can't see what's so special about that sword-dick… he's no better than the rest of us… thinks he's so special just 'cause Griffith likes him… bet he's gay, too… doesn't care about how important we're becoming… doesn't care about anything…" He sent a semi-serious glare up at Judeau, who was watching him with some amusement and his chin in one hand.

 "…And that's the kind of guy you're going to give away the woman you want to. You're an idiot, you know that? A big, stupid, chickenshit idiot."

The scout threw his head back and laughed heartily.

 "Whatever, Corkus. Whatever."

Some of the guys were beginning to come back, chatting excitedly, but none were heading for their campfire yet. Corkus was just about to stand up and find a fire with some more people around it when Judeau quietly spoke up again.

 "He took on a hundred men to let her escape. The doctor said he was so injured that he should have been dead… I don't think I could ever do something like that for her. He's …without a doubt… the man who can best protect her. And he already has… on that battlefield, he was there to block that fish-head commander's killing blow. He was there, I was not. I couldn't even get close to that madman and his swirling blade."

Corkus looked up at the scout, who was distantly glaring into the fire with determination written on his face.

Oh, man…

 "Do _not_ tell me that you're going to help him get her! Don't you have any self-respect at all?"

 "On the contrary, Corkus. You said it yourself: I've been pining for her for years now, and it has been a couple of these years since I realised I wouldn't be her man. I have been trying to get over her ever since, and it's never worked. I've been wondering why, and I've been thinking about it… and I think I've got it now." The scout turned to Corkus with a serious look, raising one finger and speaking slowly, making his point clear:

 "She's always been _available_. Griffith has never, ever even hinted that he wants her as anything but Commander Caska, and I've had to watch her hurt because of that. This has been keeping the thought alive that _I _could make her much happier – and that's been keeping the hope alive that she might one day realise that, and see me as something more than a friend."

Judeau leaned back again, still looking serious, and continued speaking before Corkus could open his mouth.

 "But I think it's time I woke up and realised the facts: too many years have passed, if she would ever have noticed, it would have happened by now. It's time I got over her for real…"

 "All right!" Corkus cheerfully interrupted, sitting up straight and dunking Judeau on the back. "That's more like it! I can introduce you to some really nice girls when we get back to Windham, who'll surely help you forget that bi- …her! You wouldn't believe the things this girl, Angelina, can do with-"

 "Thank you, Corkus, but when I want a girl, I can get her myself," the scout interrupted back, then sent him a sidelong glance and smirked. "Despite what you guys say about me around the campfires, I have had women. I know the ladies like me, and I'm ready to bet you that I'd get more offers than you if we should go out to a bar and not put any effort into flirting – But…!" He silenced Corkus' offended sputtering with a raised hand and a serious look. "Before I start seriously looking for a girl, I need to get Caska out of my head. It's not fair otherwise, not to them; whenever I am with a woman, all I can think about is Her… and that's why I'm going to try to help Gatts get Caska. I know she'll be safe with him, and I know she'll be happy… and then, I can finally move on, myself… and maybe even find a girl who likes me the way I am."

 "Keh, that sounds like a really stupid plan to me," Corkus replied, "I think you should have as many women as possible, so you realise just what the hell you're missing out on, and then forget about Caska since she's not giving you any, anyway." He shrugged. "You'd probably meet some nice girl along the way, eventually… and you wouldn't have been wasting your time while you were looking."

Judeau looked amused again and had raised one eyebrow.

 "I'll keep that as plan 'B'," he chuckled, patting Corkus on the shoulder.

Some of the returning soldiers were coming over to their campfire now, and Corkus snatched up his wineskin again.

 "Wuss." He took a good swig, then offered it to the smiling scout. "Want some?"

 "Sure."

Corkus wiped his mouth on his sleeve, calculatingly watching the approaching men. "Say, have I told you the story of this priest who walked into a brothel…"

-*--*-

The rewiev button should be around here somewhere… if you've got an opinion on this fic (or just some general praise for the fangirl behind the keyboard) hit that button and let me have it. *puts on her hockey-goalkeeper gear* I'm ready.


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